Embracing the Power of Connection: A Paradigm Shift to Relational Discipline

As educators, we know that understanding the complexities behind our students' behaviour is key to creating a positive and nurturing learning environment. The way in which we see behaviour, has the ability to transform the way we support children in the classroom. Using the mantra ‘connections over compliance and content’’ is something I share with my graduate teachers, to remind them that genuine relationships and student wellbeing is at the heart of what we do as teachers.

In recent times, the educational landscape has undergone significant changes, especially with the challenges brought about by the pandemic. It was during this time that I stumbled upon a book written by Lori Desautels titled, Connections over Compliance- Rewiring Our Perceptions of Discipline'. This book reinforced the importance of looking at discipline through a relational lens, rather than a punitive one. I sit beside Lori advocating for this paradigm shift in our approach to discipline.

The book's central idea is to look beyond mere compliance and delve into the underlying reasons behind a child's behaviour. We know that every behaviour is a form of communication, and instead of reacting to it, we need to respond by understanding what lies beneath the surface. By doing so, we create an opportunity to build connections and establish trust with our students.

One critical aspect emphasised in the book is the role of attachment in a child's emotional development. Building strong connections with our students not only helps them feel safe and secure but also has a profound impact on their nervous system. As educators, we play a significant role in fostering these attachments through meaningful interactions, touch points, and genuine care.

As educators, we must be aware of our own triggers and emotional responses to situations. Reflecting on our generational discipline patterns and emotional states is essential in ensuring we do not unintentionally escalate a student's fear, stress or anxiety. I see this happen a lot in classrooms through no fault of the teacher. I’ve been in classrooms for 12 years and never have I attended professional development, nor was I taught at University, how crucial our role is when supporting children’s behaviour. By managing our own emotions, we create a safe space for our students to express themselves without judgment.

So, what does ‘connection over compliance and content’ look like in the classroom? One approach suggested in the book is the "Takeout Menu." This creative technique involves asking students what they need to feel supported and safe in the classroom. By giving students a voice in their learning environment, we empower them to take charge of their emotions and well-being. This strategy integrated with a functional calm space is a great start for teachers to begin listening to their students in order to identify what they need, to help meet their needs. 

Bringing about a paradigm shift in ‘behaviour management;’ which it is commonly referred to (not my language of choice), requires a collective effort from schools, administrators, and teachers. Lori mentions, by analysing discipline data, identifying patterns, and examining existing protocols, schools can determine the effectiveness of their current approach. Administrators play a crucial role in supporting teachers and students alike through connection-based practices.

As educators, we have the power to shape not only our students' academic growth but also their emotional well-being. I invite you to embrace vulnerability, model self-reflection, and start prioritising genuine connections with your students. By understanding the significance of attachment and implementing proactive and responsive strategies, we create a nurturing learning environment that promotes resilience and fosters trust among all members of our school community.

If you’re a new teacher or an aspiring leader and you want to build your emotional intelligence and feel confident supporting students' behaviour in the classroom, check out our membership ‘The Grad Guide Mentorship’. Join a new generation of emotionally intelligent teachers and leaders who are changing schools from the inside out.

Em x